For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize