I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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