I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
