once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
