I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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