my mouth tastes like poor choices
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
