I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
