I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
