Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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