even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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