You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
