Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
