3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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