Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
