you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sober January is a disaster.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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