I can tuck mytits in my pants
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
