I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
