your thong is hanging out like whoa
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
