My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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