Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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