is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
