You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
