My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
