i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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