Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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