never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
