The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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