dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
