i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
