omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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