Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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