She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
