Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
