It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
