She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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