thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
