I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
