I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
please come you make the beer taste better
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
