You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
