yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
