Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
