Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
