I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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