im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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