FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
