Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
