sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
