my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
