i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
