Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
