You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
