Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
