I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
