I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
