My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.