Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus