There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
