oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
