I wish I could teleport
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
