ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
