I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
