covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
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Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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