One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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