i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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