I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
