i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
