Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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