we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
