just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
