you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
