goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
