i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
